Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Cranky

It's amazing how, no matter how many of my wishes in life are granted, I am able to see a bad day as unfair... Odd how the down days feel like personal wrongs, but the good stuff gets accepted as only my due... (Wry smile.)

Meanwhile, it's hot, and the classroom where I teach 9th grade English is hotter, and is incredibly loud with the sound of ventilators directly outside the windows... which encourages students to be loud, too, as does the fact that the school year is ending and, well, if possible, they want to be here less than I do.

I love my job. I did the "happy dance" when I got it two years ago. I love my co-workers, I have a mentor who not only thinks I can teach, but has the insight and experience to understand teaching--it's not empty praise when it comes from that quarter, and that has been incredibly helpful. More than that--I've finished my prep for the day, I think I have a reasonbly good handle on what I'm teaching for the next week and two days, and I'll be going home and spending my summer with the man of my dreams. Just having the man I do as a husband is enough reason to be glad and grateful all the days of my life.

But here I am, cranky and feeling put out, because it's hot, it's loud, and I'm going to get my final job evaluation of the year sometime in the last few days of school, when neither my kids nor I will be at our best.

Someday, maybe, somebody will show me how to feel something like peace in the middle of loud, hurrying, ordinary everyday life. No matter what gifts life gives me, I do seem to have an amazing aptitude for quarreling and kvetching.

Feh. I am really a much more spiritual feeling person when I'm sitting someplace pleasant with the sounds of nature all around me. (And no mosquitoes, needless to say.)

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